Monday, December 29, 2008

My list for today....

I came across this and it made me smile.

Instructions for Life

  • Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
  • Memorize your favorite poems.
  • Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
  • When you say, "I love you", mean it.
  • When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.
  • Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
  • Believe in love at first sight.
  • Never laugh at anyone's dreams.
  • Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
  • In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
  • Don't judge people by their relatives.
  • Talk slow but think quick.
  • When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
  • Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
  • Call your mom.
  • Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
  • When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
  • Remember the three R's:
  • Respect for self,

    Respect for others,

    Responsibility for all your actions.

  • Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
  • When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
  • Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
  • Marry a partner you love to talk to. As you get older, the conversational skill will be as important as any other.
  • Spend some time alone.
  • Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
  • Silence is sometimes the best answer.
  • Read more books, watch less TV.
  • Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
  • Trust in God but lock your car.
  • A loving atmosphere in your home is important.
  • Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
  • In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
  • Read between the lines.
  • Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
  • Be gentle with the earth.
  • Pray. There's immeasurable power in it.
  • Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
  • Mind your own business.
  • Close the eyes when you get a kiss.
  • Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
  • If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.
  • Not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
  • Learn the rules, then break some.
  • In a good relationship is the love for each other greater than the need for each other.
  • Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
  • Your character is your destiny.
  • Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Lists - edited from Morning Pages.

I love making lists. I love crossing things off a list. I have lists for everything and I'm about write another one tonight.

I'm been mulling over my addiction for lists the past few days and wondering why I feel like I need them in order to navigate life. Someone told me that it was because I need someone or something to tell me what to do. This really upset me. It didn't resonate well or perhaps I was concerned she was right. I'm always quick to assume to think the worst about myself. Thinking I can't survive without someone or something telling me what to do is a huge insult to my character.

By day I'm an assistant manager and tend to work opposite schedules to the store manager. As such I'm constantly often forced to make spur of the moment judgments. I'm a good leader and a good motivator.

By night I live alone with my cat Carli. I'm independant, financially responsible on a limited income and make all my own decisions. It really hurt my feelings that this person thinks I can't make my own decisions. It shouldn't, but it does.

Every other Friday night I meet up with a small intimate group of woman. We all share a desire to live a happier and healthier life, aided by the love support of each other. It's my safe place. The place where it's okay to be me and show my vulnerbility. The core of the group is a very empathic lady called Cheryl. She sees much of her younger self in me. It sometimes scares me a little about how intimatly she knows the true me, the secrets I hide and the fears I deny to the outside world.

About half way through the night on Friday I blurted out something big in a moment of silence. Something scary. Something I don't even think I had realized consciously. I have no idea of where the words came from as I said them it felt like I was an observer more so than the active speaker.

"I am afraid to dream. I'm afraid my dreams won't come true and I'm afraid this is the best it is ever going to be for me"

I have dreams. They are loosely assembled in the various lists I create. I'm just afraid to go after them for fear of them alluding me. I write lists to visualize those dreams. Not because I need someone to tell me what to do and how to live.

I was thinking about this while in my Friday night group.

Our homework for the week is to write down our dreams and aspirations and next week we are going to do a buring meditation to bring those aspirations into fruition.

She also gave us all a lotus seed. The lotus flower grows in muddy, wtinky water. The more stinky and rotten the mud is, the beautiful and vibrant the flower becomes. At night the flower closes and sinks underwater. At dawn, it rises and opens again. Untouched by impurity, it symbolizes the purity of heart and mind. It represents long life, health, honor and good luck.

Cheryl came up to me at the end of the night as we were saying our goodbyes.

She whispered in my ear and said "You write lists because you are a writer and you are stocking up on fuel for your craft. Don't listen to what others tell you. They're wrong"

How did she know about my inner diaglogue and the sadness I felt about the way others see me

One of my aspirations is to stop being derailed by what others see in me.